“Come back in 10 years.”
That’s the nicest thing the doctor can say to you after your colonoscopy–not only because it means you’re in perfect health, but also because even once every ten years is too often for these wretched things. I’m told that getting a baseline colonoscopy is your 50th birthday present. When I had my physical in August, it was the first one since I crossed the half-century mark, and my doctor, with an apologetic little grimace, said she really wanted me to have it. It took four months for the testing center to set up my appointment and notify me, and I have a suspicion that I’ll have to pay out of pocket for some of it. But with my family history of cancer, it’s good to have all the bases covered.
The test itself was a breeze. It was the preparations that had me completely stressed this week. If you’ve had a colonoscopy, you know what the preparation involves. If you haven’t had one yet, details would definitely be TMI, but you can look them up on Yahoo or WebMD. I will say that I was utterly miserable yesterday. I had to fast all day (in fact, I didn’t eat for 40 hours and didn’t drink a drop of liquid for 12), and spend seven hours drinking, eight ounces at a time, four litres of electrolyte solution that tasted just like contact lens solution, except for the mysterious aftertaste that had a flavor like the smell of burning plastic. Gods, was I sick of that stuff by the time I finally finished it! I was freezing cold and huddled in front of the fireplace most of the evening, went to bed early and then couldn’t sleep because my whole system was out of whack. I spent several hours roasting hot and several more freezing cold, and then had to get up two hours early, anyway.
Oh, well, listen to me whine. I didn’t get much work done, but I did manage to get through all three movies on DVD that I am hoping to review for Blogcritics as part of a series on “unusual vampire movies.” So, I managed to squeeze a little lemonade out of all that lemony downtime.
I had heard that the sedative they give you is so strong that most people “don’t even remember the procedure.” The nurse (a guy, but he had a very upbeat personality) told me that if I didn’t fall asleep, I’d be tripping so high I wouldn’t even care what was going on. I had to have a ride home afterwards and I was told not to drive, operate machinery or “make important decisions” until tomorrow. But the truth is, I barely even felt an effect from the sedative! When the technician told me she was going to put the medication into the I.V. line, I felt a very brief sort of wave go over me, like when you stand up too fast. But I was completely awake and alert after that. In fact, I was awake enough to feel just a bit uncomfortable–but not enough to complain about, and anyway, I didn’t want to be all doped up. But I never felt the slightest bit medicated or even sleepy. I watched the whole thing on the monitor with great fascination. (I have, by now, seen more of my own innards live on color monitors than most people probably want to think about doing! Ain’t technology grand? 🙂 )
I had to stop taking all my supplements and daily aspirin five days ago, and I’ve missed my workouts for two days. I’m not supposed to work out “strenuously” for three more days–why, I’m not sure–so I’m getting a vacation from my workouts. I’m bummed about that, but at least my test results were perfect, so I should not be complaining! Maybe I’ll take some nice long walks or something.
My dad gave me the ride down and back, and we went and had some lunch afterwards. We actually had a very pleasant time today! He dropped me off and headed home to catch his nap, and I came in and ate some chocolate and took my supplements, which I hate having to miss. I know, it’s probably superstitious of me, like that shaggy dog story about the boy throwing pieces of paper out of the train window to keep the wild elephants out of Missouri. But as long as I take all those supplements and exercise so much and stay preternaturally healthy, I figure I’m doing something right and I better not stop!
Speaking of which…last week, the local pharmacy advertized free bone density testing. Since I’m well along in menopause (hot flashes and all), I thought it would be interesting to get that checked. It was a very simple test. The nurse told me that I was fine–no loss of bone density at all, no osteoporosis or “pre-osteoporosis.” But, unless I’m misreading what she wrote, my bone density is actually above the baseline. There are two readings for bone density: one compares you to “the average young healthy person” of your gender and build, the other compares you with other people of your age. It appears that my bone density is 1.1 “standard deviations” above the average for a young female. Which, with my resistance training (six years now!), isn’t surprising. But it’s certainly encouraging! No broken hips for me, if I have anything to say about it!
May you all be in as good shape when you’re 51! 🙂 But just a heads-up: if you’re approaching the big five-oh…brace yourself. *wry smile*
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